|Wrong supper drink|
Bagels & Meteorites Section –
The Player of theYear (POW) shortlist has been shortlisted, we can exclusively reveal. There was a mistake in the original list and, after brief consultation with the league leaders, we have the honour of re-publishing it. It reads thus: Vidic, Van der Sar, Nani, Giggs, Scholes, Hernandez. The winner will be announced on 14th April. and will of course be Gary Neville this year.Wet Wipes and Inner Tubes Section:
Bluff and Thunder Section –
Evans Is Just Not That Kind of Player –
from our special correspondent in Didsbury, Arthur Tarpaulin
In the wake of the unfortunate and slightly mistimed tackle allegedly carried out on Bolton’s Stuart Holden by straight-up Jonny Evans, which opened a can of worms and also the Bolton winger’s knee, Sir Fergus has stated that his tough tackling no-nonsense defender almost certainly is the target of a BBC-lead witch-hunt. “The foot’s a bit high, aye, but not near the thigh, its as easy as pie, one in the eye, and no need to cry. Now gae on an shite”, the knight of the realm said through an interpreter.
Tactics Truck: by Ulysees Pickup in the Rothbury Tavern
|Far right of pic, you can just see Kolarov getting on the bus|
Hyperbole Section: SECTION? SECTIONED MORE LIKE! BALOTELLI. AN EGGCUP WITHOUT AN EGG!! NUTBAG OF THE FIRST ORDER!!! NO PLACE FOR MAVERICKS LIKE THIS IN MODERN GAME. NEVER IN CITY’S RICH HISTORY HAVE WE.... OH WE HAVE?
House & Home - This month Steven Ireland shows us his unrivalled Tajiki mongoose skin pyjama bottoms, his Gorko Carabaccio renaissance glove drawer and walks us around his palatial new pink stone-washed mock Georgian townhouse in central Gateshead, where the next exciting chapter of his career is already well underway. That's well underway. He also shows us his stomach whilst out on the lash, but that’s another story.