Sunday, September 18, 2011


9 Or So Questions Post Fulham

1. Why, dear Mr Mancini, did you replace City's best player - David Silva - with City's best journeyman - Pablo Zabaleta - with the score delicately set at 2-1, thus sending out a message to the worthy triers of Fulham to try a little harder and, in one fell swoop, replacing the hitherto fully functioning and delightfully fragrant Manchester chicken tikka-taka for a somewhat more stodgy and less than fluid Gorton goat biryani?

2. Why, caro Roberto, did a few of your "Napoli boys" not receive the invitation to take a little light rest, after running their honed legs off last Wednesday night? The nervousness that you told us about and the 90-odd minutes of debutant Champions League scurrying around surely left one or two of them a little heavy in the calves and thighs. And, why, by the way, Roberto, do you then tell the giggling press that we are struggling with a squad which is light in places?

"...and Brightwell was a little slow to move out there..."
3. Why, funny Mr Clattenburg, do you always seem to have your whistle stuck in your back pocket when a City player is molested but can make a whistling sound through your back end if necessary when a City player attempts a little bit of the old light fandango himself?

4. Why, Mr Dzeko, did our mutual friend Mr Clattenburg not give a foul for the assault on your person by Sidwell, instead choosing to view it as a piece of gentlemanly half of one half of the other argie-bargy, leading up to Fulham's cleanly struck straight-line oh deary-me how-did-that-go-in equaliser?

5. Why, in the name of Ronnie Corbett, even if the three points that were close to being "in the bag" eventually escaped and became desultory one, do so many people have to shoot off as if the side has lost to Barnet? Do they really not remember? Do they really not understand?

6. Why, dear God, if I look at Pablo Zabaleta and scrunch up my eyes very tight, does he begin to resemble Brian Horton after that cup tie at Newcastle when David Brightwell played like a bag and a half of quick drying (slow turning) cement?

7. Why is it possible, Mr Jol, that Fulham, after a tasty European outing of their own on Thursday and with a squad thinner than a cream cracker, could run like the clappers for 94 minutes, where some of our boys could not?

8. Why, Mr Hart, did you choose to wear Fernando Torres' old fashioned kicking-around-the-corner boots, which made your clearances head towards magnetic north?

9. Why, Mr De Jong, has it taken people this long to recognise the salient and crystal clear point that an MCFC midfield without your rapier thrusts and juggernaut slideys is a midfield heading towards its own goal chasing the opposition fella that "got away"?

and finally

9 and a half. Why is David Platt?

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