Monday, September 2, 2013

THE CONDENSED READ: HULL home

One of those slightly-too-bright at the end of August Saturdays
Manchester City 2 Hull City Tigers 0
Negredo at last wallop, Touré identikit bosh
Att: 46,500 (with holiday gaps)
THE BEGINNING: A cloudless sky. A breathless audience. A joyless skirmish. Punt, stab, dip, flap and skittle. Poke, pat and flail. Individuals wonder how long they can politely leave it before telling Mr Pellegrini to "give it good a shake".

Hull's jet-heeled Aluko is through on goal, but turns into a clump of thistles at an inopportune moment. He spends an intimate moment studying the crop circles around City's goal.

THE MIDDLE: A gong sounds. A death knell for Gareth Barry? Edin Dzeko is removed and reappears dressed as a teenage skateboarder within minutes. Alvaro Negredo has a tatoo on his forehead. It reads "hungry as hell". He is fed by the game's first accurate home cross -a loopy one from Zabaleta's right foot - and in it goes under the star-shaped 'keeper McGregor.

Joe Hart, hair immaculate, offers the gallery a slideshoe dummy shuffle, sending a Hull forward the wrong way. Not at all risky when the whole world is watching for patches of misplaced miscalculated youthful arrogance. It is an attempt to draw the thousands of pairs of eyes feasting on Huddlestone's superior barnet, a mesh-effect electric swan's nest, back onto his own lovely pimple-spiked blond bonce. In capeli proelia superbia hackitoff.. 


THE END: Yaya wafts his right leg, the ball curls in an unforgiveable arc. Elmohamady, for it is he, joins his 'keeper in an inexplicably beautiful dance under the cross bar (like great crested cranes in courtship ritual south of the Serengeti), as ball evades head and hand. Elmohamady heads the bar instead and joins ball in the back of the net.

City finish the weekend in a dismal 3rd place. Vultures hover, the sky darkens and a large flock of crows flies into a tall building en masse. 


THE STAT: This is the first ever Premier League clean-sheet against Hull City. Negredo has scored 3 in 3 substitute appearances. Hungry.

THE QUOTE: "Have we ever had a player with a ponytail before? That's what really worries me. Lift it up & there's usually a horse's ass underneath..." LongsightBlues on Twitter
Forget David Seaman at your absolute peril, young man.

THE LIST:        Semi final i Hull 2 City1
                       Semi final ii City 2 Hull 0

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