DESERT DISPATCH

Mike Hammond has followed City home and away since the early 80s and made it to Jeddah to see history made. Here are his impressions of five days in the Desert Kingdom:

I understand that we all live in our own bubble and our reality is our reality alone so this can only be my observations of Saudi Arabia. 

My reality ahead of this journey was one of utter ignorance. Obviously, like most people in the UK, I had read and heard about life in the Kingdom. The brutal Kashoggi murder, the Newcastle/sportswashing articles, the Jordan Henderson scorn and the awarding of the World Cup. 

It’s hard to know how balanced those articles have been as I had no reality to cross check & there are very few pro-Saudi articles in the British media. Having said all that I think I broadly took the view as presented. 

If I could sum it all up it would be along the lines of the DM sent to me after last night's final that this country is a brutal dictatorship with appalling human rights suppressions. 

So how does one tally all of that with the experience as an individual traveller? 

You can’t. I’m a privileged westerner, with all the associated rights and freedoms that go along with that luxury, and I’m not a threat to the state. So, in essence, I’m free to do whatever I want. 

First impressions are, of course, the airport, which is hugely impressive and efficient, in stark contrast to any in the UK. The immigration process was stress-free and we were welcomed from the start. I’ll be honest: there’s almost nothing to do here. It’s not a tourist city. The number 3 thing to do on TripAdvisor is a walk down a path & number 4 is to look at a flag pole. 

I should say that they DO have an indoor zoo which is drawing some admiring glances on the tourist trail. Amongst its attractions are lemurs, monkeys and dogs. Dogs. In a zoo. 

It’s also in a state of mass rebuilding. In the day it is, to be kind, a total shithole. But at night it’s like you’ve been transported to a magical place. It looks AMAZING! You can’t see the crap and the derelict buildings and everything is beautifully spot-lit & looks shiny and new. 

Luckily for my travelling mates and me, our body clock was skewed heavily to the night. Plus, there’s no reason to wake up early unless you want to watch some PrimeMutton videos - which luckily I did. 

Normally on a ‘City away’ quite a lot of time is spent boozing. And I won’t lie, some of the great cafes we went too over here would have been mega with a gin and tonic or a pint. But it wasn’t an option so our drink of choice was an Oreo Milkshake. You can drink a surprising amount of these it turns out. 

The best thing about Jeddah, though, is the people. You’ll never meet a friendlier, more inquisitive, more accommodating group of people anywhere in the world. It’s truly astonishing how friendly they are. Every single person, even people you walk past in the street. 

The second best is the food. Saudi is a nation of immigration and you can get food from all over the world. Our highlight was a Bangladeshi cafe that produced the best curry I’ve ever had. We were treated like kings & after a huge lunch the bill for 5 of us was about £25 in total. 

So what else? Well when we checked in at our hotel, the concierge took one look at Liam and I and asked would we want to share one big bed or a twin room. I was genuinely flabbergasted that this was even suggested. What a few days away! 

Public transport is non-existent so all travel is by car. Even relatively short journeys. UBERs are plentiful and cheap, which is great because it’s impossible to cross the roads here. They’re all 4 lanes each way and the driving is a joke. It made Istanbul look disciplined. 

Clothing? We were happily wandering about in shorts and t-shirts. And if you’re by the pool swimwear is, of course, fine. Bikinis absolutely fine for women as well. Again, not what I was led to believe. 

So, a World Cup in a decade. The locals were pretty sure that well before then alcohol will be allowed in the kingdom. My assumption is public transport to and from the stadiums will all be in place by then too. The stadium itself was magnificent. Beautiful on the outside and amazing on the inside. Great atmosphere, comfortable and loads of concession stands etc. and again, the people. They are football mad. Boys, girls, men and women all watching. All going mental. 

Arriving in Jeddah, I’m embarrassed to say, I genuinely thought it would be like something from the dark ages. The reality, my reality, is of a friendly country, modernising at an incredible rate. And by modernising I don’t necessarily mean Westernising (although places like Maccies AKA ‘the office’ and Nando’s are all over), they are proud of their religion, culture and history. 

And why shouldn’t they be?